First Blog

Since this is my first blog and it is due to certain factors that kinda led to its genesis, I’ll introduce myself- not by my name or that shit but by who I am and why I decided to create this in the first place.

I am- a guy who has basically been given a new beginning for every fuck up he’s made. Shit includes acads, relationships and fuck, even his own life and lifestyle. God is good. A new chance is hard to come by and redemptions are rare. But what truly pulls me back is the fear I might fuck it up all over again. So here I am. I’m gonna record my life choices and basically judge my shit whenever my mind clears because that is kinda rare lol. So either this is gonna be a happy cringe memory I look back to or a haunting reminder of what I managed to do again.

My life revolves around this girl. She’s cute, smart, witty and most of all, understanding. A soulmate. She’s the love of my life.

I am conflicted here. Is making her my whole priority, my whole day, each of my heartbeat dedicated to her, unhealthy? She might agree yet I cling on because there’s a deep rooted fear in me. A fear of being let go, abandoned. I don’t want to feel disconnected and detached from her. I need her, and I fear, every passing moment, 24 hours are less. So this was a rant- of my dilemma.

At the end of the day, it’s easier to cope. To avoid making the hard decisions. To wait another day. I cannot let go. Because I know like the sun rises, so will my will. I can emerge out of all my shit like a phoenix.